I am on a series of online sites, including Fetlife. If you’re not already on Fetlife you might like to sign up etc., if only so you can follow the links in this post.

I probably spend way too much time checking out people’s posts, mainly because so much of what is posted seems to be totally virtual. The posters never intend to be out in “real life” – and in fact are quite likely not who they claim to be. But every now and again I find a post that is grounded in “real life” and speaks to me…

One such recently was MissL’s post "Dommes Have Feelings Too". I really do know that set of expectations – that I am the stereotype of the female dominant- cold, bitchy, evil, mean, aggressive, bossy, icy, intense, distant, forbidding, etc. And I can be those things sometimes. But just like MissL, I am a real person with real feelings, and there are occasions where I can be very warm and snuggly – particularly where I have had a particularly intense session with a slave.

My observation is that many slaves are probably on the “downlow” (ie cheating on wives / partners). I don’t ask, and don’t care, but their concentration on “discretion” speaks volumes. That’s fine. But I also observe that many slaves are on a process of exploration – moving through a series of sessions, trying out new things, pushing their boundaries. Which creates tension. They can’t discuss their desires with their partners or their friends. So they are living partitioned lives. In one partition they are a mainstream loving partner. In another  they are my slave / fucktoy / sissy bitch. So at the end of a session they are transitioning between the crazy dirty (insert adjectives here) partition where they solely exist for my pleasure, and the other mainstream partition where none of that can possibly exist. Which creates tension.

That makes me a little sad. And I find myself wishing my slaves could find a way to be who they are – at least more of the time. And I am very sensitive to their confusion – as they make that transition between their two worlds. All of which feeds into my maternal side. Wanting to talk for a while. Check they’re OK. Give them a big big cuddle before they go. Let them know that someone recognizes their kinky side and celebrates it. Who knows how well that works? But I can’t seem to help myself doing it…

Ms Emilie