A colleague recently posted in the female owners male slaves Fetlife forum about “For those of you who claim there are not very many femdoms” pointing to a video of 200 dominant women gathering for a photo in front of 30 photographers at DomConLA.

Her point was that femdoms do exist. But it was also a riposte to a continuing string of posts from malesubs who can’t seem to hook up with one.

I’m not aware of any reliable statistics on the numbers of femdoms and malesubs seeking femdoms – or even for that matter the numbers of maledoms and femsubs seeking maledoms. Given the largely underground nature of BDSM and D/S, it would be hard to know how to do a reliable survey .

But clearly we exist – as per the video . So I wonder whether the real “claim” is not that there are no femdoms looking for malesubs, but that the femdoms that do exist are not interested in the particular malesub who is complaining?

I am a pro dome, but also live it. And from my experience, over the years, finding a suitable sub is almost impossible. If I advertise, I get a slew of one liner responses from malesubs who do not fit the description of what I want, or do not say anything about themselves, or want to move in straightaway. If I don’t advertise, I still get the same emails, just at a reduced frequency.

What malesubs who are looking need to realize is that..

• Having a sub (especially a live-in sub) is not to be entered into lightly. It’s a relationship, and requires compatibility and commitment. So going from a first contact to being that sub is going to take time and effort (for both parties).
• There’s no point in responding if you do not fit the profile. At different times I have been interested in different types of people and different roles, and responses from people who do not fit just get deleted.
• If you do fit the profile, you should take the time to respond to the points suggested in the advertisement or post, and take the time to say something about who you are and what you want. This is something like a job application, and (I presume) you would take some care over that.

You would think that is all very obvious. But clearly it is not to many.