I like to have a conversation at the start of every session to make it clear that my submissives or slaves or sissies have two safe words. Yellow means back off and let’s have a conversation about what’s happening / what’s causing a problem – and then we will continue. Red means I need to end this session right now – for whatever reason – a medical emergency or perhaps they have just decided they need to leave.

I do have the same initial conversation with everybody – even with regulars. And in practice, hardly anybody ever says Yellow – and nobody has ever said Red.  Which is as it should be – if I am listening to my submissives / slaves / sissies and altering my behavior accordingly then we should never find ourselves in a situation where they feel the need to say Red.

I also notice that some of my regulars – who are naturally very submissive – sometimes feel that it is a point of honour never to say Yellow – even when they are suffering greatly. That creates a whole new dynamic – where I have to really work at getting feedback from someone who is often off in a completely submissive space. It can be complicated being a Domme.

All this can feel somewhat mechanical. And I do recognize that in our society people are inhibited from talking about what they want / where their boundaries are upfront. There is this notion of being swept along in the heat of passion. And then finding yourself not sure how to say things – How do I say I really don’t like this – If I say something will Ms Emilie be upset – Maybe I can just hang on and Ms Emilie will do something else?

In contrast, having the conversation about boundaries upfront, and then using safe words where necessary, opens up a whole world of passion and experience – frees up a whole new space. 

Trust me... It will help me enjoy you just as much as you want to enjoy me. 

Ms Emilie