This is a more personal post than usual – but some of my submissives, slaves and sissies have already heard something about this and have expressed a desire to know more. So here goes…

The week before last I attended the International School of Temple Arts (ISTA) Spiritual Sexual Shamanic Experience (SEXX) workshop in Las Vegas.

The workshop was organized by my very good friend Dr. Shelley – who I think is rather gorgeous and remarkable. But to be honest I signed up for the workshop solely on her recommendation without knowing very much about the syllabus. Which turned out to be a mistake. I don’t feel bad about Dr. Shelley as a result. After all, it was my choice. But I have made a very strong mental note to do quite a bit more research before signing up for any more workshops.

I should note that I met some wonderful new people on the workshop, learnt a few useful things about myself, and also learnt a couple of new tools to negotiate the world. So it wasn’t a complete waste of time. But I definitely had issues with the workshop – which left me feeling agitated and upset for much of the week that I was there – without quite knowing why.

After returning home and processing endlessly, I came to the conclusion that my issues were around the workshop’s very old school notions of gender. We spent a lot of time hearing about Masculine and Feminine archetypes – which sounded remarkably like traditional Male and Female stereotypes. In fact, it felt like the workshop was based on a particular style of crude biological determinism, namely:

  • If you are born with a vagina, your gender is Female, you will be attracted to Men, you will conform to a particular Female presentation, and will conform to a particular set of Female behaviors and characteristics.
  • If you are born with a penis, your gender is Male, you will be attracted to Women, you will conform to a particular Male presentation, and will conform to a particular set of Male behaviors and characteristics.

That crude biological determinism, that crude gender binary, as interpreted and enforced by society, creates stunted, limited, constrained people. That’s the box we are all trying to escape from.  Me too.

What I hear is a world view which actively excludes me, which denies who I am, which denies me basic human dignity and respect. I have no place in that crude binary gender world – and the world is keen to make that plain.

That’s why I was so angry. If I’m sitting in a workshop listening to a worldview that denies who I am, I am going to be very unhappy and angry.

So after a very strange and challenging week, I came back to my wonderful life in San Francisco – and to a wonderful group of submissives, slaves and sissies, many of whom had been queueing up to book sessions on my return.

But here’s the strangest thing. I had just spent a week on a workshop about sacred sexuality. And many of my fellow participants spent much of their spare time “practicing”. There was a very sensual and sexual atmosphere. But I was so distracted and agitated I didn’t feel hardly any sexual energy at all. And that continued for the first few days after I got back home. But then, after I resolved what had been bothering me so much about the workshop, my energy (personal, sensual and sexual) returned with a vengeance – on an almost volcanic scale. So the people who I have seen since I have got back (for example, Tracy, Frank, Ron, …) have encountered a very intense and present me – which they all enjoyed - but also very much noticed the difference and commented on it.

I wonder how long it will continue…?

Ms Emilie